After my first year in college, I made a feeble attempt to write daily journals, documenting my goals and problems as I tried to fight through my misery. I felt like I was so bad at everything that I was passionate about. I didn’t know what direction to take career-wise, why I had such low self-confidence, and why I was projecting onto others.
But as I reflect on those journals now, I realized that I wasn't writing for that present me, or even for that past me looking back. I was writing for the distant future me, the one I hoped would one day stumble upon my words and understand the pain and confusion I was feeling. I wish I had been able to offer some practical advice to my younger self, someone who was struggling to find their direction and overcome their self-doubt.
In today’s complex world, where modern education focuses on subjects like math, science, arts, and history, it’s honestly baffling to me how little structure there is on the most important topic of all: how to navigate life. Seriously - why the heck are we learning about differential equations, reading about Shakespeare, or chanting that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell if we don’t even know how to discover what we actually love? Why are we blindly following others’ definitions of “cool” or “awesome” if buried deep, deep down, our hearts are whispering that it’s not actually what we want?
I know I'm not the only one who has struggled with these questions, and I know I'm not the only one who has hit "life blocks" (e.g. a fork in careers, a sudden loss of motivation, how to make friends) and didn't know what to do or how to think about it. That's why I want to offer my own two cents, not as a mentor or guru, but as a friend who has been there. This is for those of you who want to increase your happiness, no matter what your ambition or risk-tolerance is. I write from the perspective of someone who has struggled, but who has also found ways to overcome those struggles and move forward. I hope my words can help you do the same.
For any decision you come across, it's highly likely that you're not exploring nearly enough and aggressively as you should be. The sad truth is that most of us don't realize how badly we're failing at exploration. If we could see a version of ourselves that had been exploring as much as we should, we would immediately see the vast difference.
People always say to explore more, but the crucial problem is that the correct level of exploration isn't obvious - whether it's figuring out what field we enjoy studying, what kind of friends we like to be around, what career to take, or how to solve a relationship problem. It's my goal to provide a more accurate framing of this issue.
Think about it this way: there are more possible positions in chess than atoms in the universe. There are more possible positions in Go than atoms in the universe. And yet, our lives are even more complex than these games. If you don't believe me, then either you've exhausted all the possible decision paths you could've tried, or you lack imagination. Sadly, the latter is probably true for most of us.
To give you an analogy, some of you might be familiar with the multi-armed bandit problem. For those who don’t know what that is, a “single-armed bandit” is just a slot machine. If you pull on the lever, you will earn an unknown reward with an unknown probability. The multi-armed bandit problem is when you have many single-armed bandits with varying unknown rewards and unknown probabilities. In other words, a bunch of slot machines where you have no clue what the rewards are for each of them. What should your strategy be to maximize the reward you can get?
This boils down to a problem of exploration (how much time is dedicated to trying different slot machines) vs. exploitation (how much time is dedicated to using the one slot machine that seems to give the best reward right now). In reality, life looks more like an infinite number of slot machines, each offering an infinite number of rewards depending on how you pull the lever. In other words, the number of possible actions you can take is so absurdly high that, even with 8 billion people in the world, you can be unique really easily.
With such a large number of slot machines and ways to pull on the machines, you would intuitively expect that the “optimal” strategy would include 1.5 metric shit-tons of exploring - after all, you have an infinite number of slot machines! Do you still really think you’re even remotely close to what you should be doing? If you do, then you probably lack imagination.
It’s not your fault that you have such a heavy bias toward exploitation. Specialization and following the status quo are woven so deeply into the fabric of modern reality that we don’t even realize it.
We’re expected to pick one field to major in and do a job related to it before you’re 20. We’re expected to work at just one company for a long time to “climb the ladder”. We’re expected to learn an instrument and stick with it for many years. We’re expected to solve math equations in one specific way or else we get a bad grade. We’re expected to pick one sport in the beginning. We’re expected to learn about school subjects in a really specific, arbitrary way that is uninspiring. We’re expected to go through middle and high school in a one-size-fits-all manner. Wow - so much for having an infinite number of slot machines!
Life, which is supposed to be beautifully creative, full of vibrant colors and emotions, imbued with curious paradoxes and mind-boggling mysteries, and an ever-changing dance between the border of order and chaos, has been unfairly reduced to a constant hum of mindless digging, black and white thinking, and lack of appreciation for the infinite potential that lies within us.
We have to embrace the full potential of our minds. We must strive to explore new ideas and try new things. This means taking risks, making mistakes, and facing challenges head-on. It means breaking out of the mold and embracing the unknown. It means embracing the beauty of life and all its complexities. It means striving to be the best versions of ourselves, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of those around us.
When was the last time you explored a completely orthogonal topic, just for the sake of curiosity? When was the last time you tried something new, just to see what would happen? When was the last time you took a risk, just to see where it would take you? If you can't remember, then it's time to start exploring. Because the rewards of exploration are so much greater than the risks. And the world is waiting for you to discover them.
A lot of my messaging so far has been specifically for seemingly “grand” life choices. But this same exploration philosophy applies for any decision or problem you have - however big or small.